


Bathtime Woes

by Master_of_the_Rebels



Series: The Titus Files [1]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Dogs are both adorable, Gen, Titus, and infuriating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-16
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-03 19:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_of_the_Rebels/pseuds/Master_of_the_Rebels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Titus needs a bath, and Dick and Damian provide, but the whole process lacks a certain...finesse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bathtime Woes

Damian should have known this was a terrible idea from the start. After all, one can only assume disaster when Grayson comes prancing into a room with that particular smile on his face, the one that screams ‘brotherly bonding time!’

 

He’d also said, “Damian!  I have a great idea!”

 

That in itself should have been warning enough.  He should have shot the older man down immediately.  But Dick had made _the face_ at him, and he had caved without so much as a mild protest.

 

Damian was getting weak.  He must train and fortify his will for the future.

 

After this inane request of Dick’s was complete though, of course.

 

~~~

 

“Tell me again, why we are doing this?” Damian’s hand rested atop Titus’ large head, the dog more than satisfied with the minimal attention.

 

“Because Titus hasn’t gotten a bath since he came here,” Dick rolled his sleeves up and dipped his hand under the running water of the tub faucet, adjusting the temperature accordingly. 

 

“That does not explain why _we_ are stooping to decontaminating the animal, rather than Pennyworth.” He glanced down at the animal in question, who only panted up at him with large doe eyes full of dumb happiness.  Damian felt a twitch growing in his left eye.

 

“And because it’ll be good bonding time for the two of you.”

 

Damian scoffed, “You mean _you_ want bonding time, do not try to fool me, Grayson.  I am no simpleton, unlike you.”

 

Dick smiled, far past rising to the boy’s baiting.  “There is that, too, yes.”

 

“This is servant’s work.”

 

“And yet, we’re going to do it anyway!”

 

~~~

 

“All right, now we need to get him in the tub.”  Silence met the statement and Dick grinned expectantly at the boy.

 

“The beast is twice my weight and nearly my height.  Do you expect me to pick him up?”

 

“Well, no, but you could ask him nicely to get in.”

 

“ _Ask him nicely to_ —no.  This was your idea, I have no intention of participating.”

 

~~~

 

Damian was on his knees having a serious stare down with the gigantic mutt, one hand braced on the side of the tub, the other holding the handheld nozzle.  Titus tilted his head curiously at him, and Damian’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

 

“You realize you need to get Titus wet for this to work, right?”

 

“Commentary from the peanut gallery is not appreciated, Grayson!”

 

~~~

 

Dick had been gone to grab towels not even thirty seconds when he heard Damian’s angry shout and subsequent cursing.  Fearing the worst, he vaulted around the corner to be greeted by…

 

Water.

 

 _Everywhere_.

 

Especially on Damian.  The boy was absolutely soaked, and the mixture of pure fury and shock on his face was too much for Dick to handle.  He burst out laughing, leaning against the frame of the entryway while Damian looked ready to beat him to death with the showerhead. 

 

“He _shook_!  How _dare_ you not warn me of this!?  I am _drenched_ , you imbecile!  I should kill you both!”

 

Dick raised his hands in supplication.  “Okay, okay, sorry, you’re right.  I should have told you that might happen.” He retrieved the nozzle from his protégé before saying, “Go change and I’ll keep going until you get back.”

 

“I will not come back.”

 

Dick just smiled as Damian stomped out of the bathroom, knowing he’d be back.  The boy would not admit defeat, even to the dog.  Grinning at Titus, he squeezed and rubbed the canine’s jowls and cooed at him.  “You’re such a good dog, yes you are!” It earned him a big sloppy kiss straight up the center of his face.

 

~~~

 

“See, the trick is to keep your hands on them at all times.  That way, they’ll know you aren’t done, so they won’t shake.”

 

“Did I even ask?”

 

“It’s for the future, next time you give Titus a bath.”

 

“Next time?  Grayson, I do not care if the dog has been dipped in permanent slime, there will be no _next time_.  He can stay disgusting for the rest of his life, for all I care.”

 

“Aww, he didn’t mean that.  No, Dami loves you, he wouldn’t do that to you.  No, he wouldn’t.”

 

“Grayson, stop making out with my dog.”

 

~~~

 

“There!  Sparkly clean!”

 

“ _Finally_.”

 

Dick passed him a towel, easing to his feet and stretching his back.  “All right, now we just dry him off and everything will be done.” He beckoned at the Great Dane to come out of the tub, and Titus shifted on his feet, gave an anxious little lick of his lips, and then looked up at the pair of them like he’d just lost his favorite ball forever.

 

Damian made an impatient click of his tongue.  “Come on, don’t you know how to get out?  You got _in_ , it’s exactly the same.  Come here.”

 

Titus scrabbled a bit more this time, wanting to please his boy, but then gave a little whine and continued staring at them pitifully.

 

Damian and Dick stared right back, at a complete loss.

 

“This has to be some sort of joke.”

 

~~~

 

“Come on, sweetie pie.  Let’s get out of the tub.”

 

“Oh, yes, because coddling is really going to make him get out of the bath.”

 

“He’s obviously scared, we have to calm him down and let him know that everything is safe.”

 

“It is a _bathtub_.  What in the world is scary about that?”

 

~~~

 

Coddling did not help, as Damian predicted.  In fact, nothing was helping.  He sighed and rolled his eyes as Dick practically begged on his knees for the dog to get out.

 

Dick’s eyes lit with a sudden thought, and in a peppy voice, he said, “Hey, Titus!  Do you wanna go for a ride?”

 

“Oh good, we’ve resorted to bribing now,” Damian muttered, before he caught his breath when Titus’ head popped up excitedly at the words.

 

Encouraged, Dick pressed on, “You want to go for a ride, don’t you!  We can go for a ride in the car!”

 

It almost worked.  Key word being almost.

 

~~~

 

They had reached an impasse; Titus was dry at this point, but still refusing to get out.  Dick was slumped sadly against the toilet while Damian just scowled at the indignity of it all.  He watched the dog yawn widely, a high-pitched whine coming out at the same time.

 

“You are pathetic.  You are _huge_!” Damian growled.  “You can just step right out of there.  _Come on!_ ” When he got nothing more than another yawn in return, the boy turned on his mentor.  “This is _your_ fault.”

 

“How is this my fault?” Dick sputtered, brow furrowing.

 

“If you had not suggested such an asinine thing, we would not be—”

 

“Hey!  Washing the dog is not asinine!  He was dirty, so we cleaned him.”

 

“Yes, at the expense of having a tub-bound dog for the rest of our lives.”

 

“Don’t say that!  Why would you say that?”

 

~~~

 

Only Titus noticed when Tim stepped into the outline of the bathroom door, briefly surveying the argument that had quickly devolved into a heated wrestling match.  Tucking his book beneath his arm, he gave the Dane a pitying look before going off to the kitchen.

 

~~~

 

“Just admit that every idea you have is idiotic and pointless, Grayson!”

 

“That’s not true!  My ideas are brilliant, you just have no imagination!”

 

“How is washing a dog imaginative? You know what would be imaginative?  Washing _yourself_ , you reek worse than Titus.”

 

“You little brat!  Maybe if you actually trained him, he would listen to his stupid master!”

 

“What did you say, Grayson!”

 

~~~

 

“Here, Titus.  Come have some steak.”

 

~~~

 

Dick and Damian stared in disbelief as the dog gave an enthusiastic bark and leapt gracefully out of the bath, coming to a perfect, seated position in front of Tim.  The young man smiled and tossed the small piece of flank to the happy canine, who caught it midair, and reached out to scratch behind his ears.  Glancing up, Tim smirked at his brothers.

 

“If we’re talking training, I’d say it looks like the two of you need more discipline than Titus.”

 

“Tim!”

 

“Say that again, Drake!”

 

Tim disappeared around the corner with a chuckle, Titus trotting off after him with a wagging tail.


End file.
